Qualitative

People are happier once they are forgiven for their wrongs. This is because we remain upset, and continue to feel guilt, when we are not forgiven. But it isn’t always possible to ask for forgiveness because we may no longer be communicating with those we have wronged. How do we find peace with ourselves when we can’t be forgiven? Finding a solution to this problem will help reduce guilt and upset for wrongdoers who wish to apologize.

This problem is often discussed in online forums about forgiveness, and by people I have talked to. Many people tell their stories of truly wanting to apologize. But they can’t apologize because the person they wronged is no longer in their life.

Reading these stories, it’s clear these wrongdoers hold a large amount of grief. They feel bad about what they did. They want to apologize and make things right. But they can’t apologize or make things right because they have no one to apologize to. The person they should apologize to has cut off all communication.

Without apologizing to the person wronged, the wrongdoer will not be forgiven. Without being forgiven, the wrongdoer will still feel guilt and grief. How can the wrongdoer get through this guilt and grief?

I found little outside information I could build from to find the solution. This meant I had to come up with my own way of looking at the problem. I had access to the stories that helped me uncover the problem. These stories could also help lead me to the solution. Many people within their stories not only mentioned their problems, but they also mentioned their needs.

I screened the stories, so I could include the stories that mentioned both problems and needs. By understanding both the problem and the need I could create a solution. I then took the stories I screened and sought out the themes across the stories.

The ideate and prototype stages blended. I grasped all possible themes as I read through the stories. Every theme was written down at this time. I checked every theme against every story, taking notes of which stories contained which themes. 

Over time, I was able to see similarities in themes, so I combined what was similar. This continued until I found two themes that covered both the problem and the need of the wrongdoers.

I reread all the stories to make sure the themes covered what was occurring within the stories. I also found other stories that I didn’t use in my analysis and tested my themes against those stories. The themes explained the stories in my analysis and these new stories well.

The themes pointed to the solution of continuing the conversation. Yes, even in the absence of the person who was wronged. This is done by knowing how the wronged would respond to any apology, and being honest about that response. Honestly knowing the wronged would find the wrongdoer worthy of forgiveness was key. Also, apologizing to the wronged by having an imagined conversation was at play. 

People have imagined conversations regularly, and for many reasons. In this case, apologizing in an imagined conversation, and knowing one was worthy of forgiveness, helped bring peace to the wrongdoers.  

Even though I found a solution in continuing conversations, this presents another problem. How can we encourage this continued conversation? Perhaps others who knew or know the wronged should join this conversation. This seems to be the next step for a new project.

This project taught me the experiences of the people you talk to often point to the solution. Many people in the stories I read found a solution that brough them peace. Applying this solution to more situations may be key to solving the problem. This shows us the people we talk to may often help us help them.

I am continuing my work on the next steps of this project. I am more than happy to discuss this project in further detail with those who are interested.